yes scape velocity..!

my palms are sweating, the heart beat is around 100 bpm, my vision is getting blurred, i fail to pick up sounds in the vicinity and my mind is becoming numb... no i am not having a heart attack, i am actually at the helm of my hyundai santro, driving in Hyderabad and believe me, it ain't lesser than a heart attack.!

If you are planning to learn driving in nawab land now, then u can kiss your driving dreams good bye, especially if you are the kind who has not driven anything apart from a scooty in your by lanes while occasionally hitting the milkman and the street dog with ur 25 kmph speed.

Driving here has become anything but easy or enjoyable and at the end of the day, i derive pleasure from the fact that there has not been a single scratch/dent on my car. But unfortunately few months back, after an impeccable record of 98 days without any scratches on my car, a tractor guy decided it was enough and took out the rear bumper of my car.. and yeah he was a Rajnikant fan i guess... Hamara Bajaj Allianz saved my that day, cos my car was insured with them.

here is what i learnt from my driving experiences, some of you might have been in the same boat.. err car as me.. so u might be able to connect to it..

Rule1: The road belongs to everyone except you, including the agonisingly slow cycle guy.. yes the guy who is teaching his girlfriend how to cross a road, the flower seller, and the occasional Buffalo..

Rule2: Get yourself a power steering. One of the best inventions, the power steering ensures u don't have swollen muscles and a sore body after twisting and turning 206 times per minute.. hello, you never know what you will run into.. so suddenly an auto from your right decides he wants to do a MiG-25 and swerves towards the footpath.. what do u do.? don't clap.. but swerve to the other side and just before you do that, ensure the bike behind you is not trying to squeeze into the 25mm gap between your car and the road divider..

Rule3: Orange means Green, Green means Green and Red also means Green..! well, most of the hyderabadis are colorblind when they are driving, and they will see every signal as green except if there is a cop standing at the junction. By the way, the cop will not be able to do anything, cos he inhales twice as much qty of toxic gases per day as the chimney of a leather industry does in a month.. so he will be ready to collapse if u just cough at him..!

Rule4: Don't remove your leg from the clutch... i almost keep forgetting that my car has a 4th and 5th gear.. where is the chance to shift to those gears..? if ever michael schumacher wants to commit harakiri.. i guess we can ask him to drive from Ameerpet to Khairatabad on a Friday evening.. (for people who are not familiar with Hyderabad, that equals to using a Suzuki hayabusa as a vending cart to sell vegetables.. pushing it around painstakingly)

Rule5: Practise murdering your Horn... the louder the better.. once i had to move out of the way of what i thought was a huge truck listening to its huge blare, but realised it was a 1987 model Maruti 800 with steroids... err i mean a huge horn.. As the policy goes, if you cant make the breaks of your car effective,make your horn sound like kingkong.!

well, sticking to these 5 golden rules should hold you in good stead to reach any destination in hyderabad within half a day.. but again it comes with usual disclaimers that neither of the roadworks,waterworks or telecom departments must ve laid their hands on the road you will be travelling on.. else you will find yourself on a mission to surface of Mars.. with all the bumps on the road..

hopefully, the year 2007 will be a dent free one for me.. and the moral of the story is, it doesn't matter if you drive well, if any of the vehicles in your line of sight conspire against you, your arse will be scratched.! :D

Me and my throttle... :)